DID SHAKTI WEAR THE PANTS?

This was published on my erstwhile blog in July 2009. Navaratri this year, seems the perfect opportunity to republish it.

Till some time ago, my financial decisions were taken only partially by me. The bigger decisions were entrusted to people in my life - my father, my husband and my chartered accountant. In the midst of all the money talk, I've felt restless and incompetent. I couldn't comprehend why the government needs a share of every bit of money I earn.

In the last couple of months, I took over the decision-making  of course, with the advice and opinion of trusted people.Although I find the process tedious and people are justifiably exasperated trying to explain why I can't have my mutual fund statements the way I want them, I am finally making my own decisions and sticking by the repercussions.

Why was it so hard for me to take control of an area that should logically be my responsibility? It's been a very difficult decision that feels like going against the grain of who I am as a woman. The same reason that someone I know - a brilliant top-ranking executive with a financial organisation is unaware of how her investments are doing.

My theory is that women, especially of my generation in India, are perhaps the first generation to en masse step over the threshold to work outside home. I'll set aside the single women who, when they are not depending on their fathers, have held complete decision-control of their lives.

The married ones - although we have scaled new heights, and learned such terms as job-satisfaction, breaking the glass ceiling etc. - are also weaned on the stuff that our mothers have unknowingly introjected with their lives - financial (legal etc) decisions are made by the man of the house.

We don't question it or accept it completely and therein lies our discontent. Making one's own financial decisions is pretty much like wearing the pants in the household, aka being the man. So much power would surely make us aggressive and unfeminine. Moreover, what would we comprehend about all those numbers and legalese? That's my mum and her mum and her mum talking. Actually, my mum would never be caught dead saying it, but it's the way I think she lives her very content life. 

That's her way, but it doesn't need to be mine.

As I pry loose the fingers of that introject, it has left its marks on me. That will gradually heal. But I know it now for what it is - many mothers collectively (and unwittingly) making that introject a societal norm just because they didn't know better.

My eyes are now open to the fact that power and feminity can go hand-in-hand without trappings like pants, aggression etc. Let's not even go into the skill set required to assimilate, wield power and (ahem) handle male subordinates.

Take a good look around.
- First woman president of India - Pratibha Patil
- First woman speaker of India - Mira Kumar
- President of the Congress Party - Sonia Gandhi
- Youngest Indian MP - Agatha Sangma
- Managing Director and CEO of ICICI - Chanda Kochhar
- CEO of HSBC India - Naina Lal Kidwai
And many many more, in sectors that our mothers considered the male dominion.

Why do you think Shakti is such a potent force in mythology and religion?

Sure, I'm tempted to just allow others to take the decisions for me. But that also arouses feelings of discontent for not being my own person. It does take more effort on my part to learn the jargon and concepts, but let me assure you, it's easy once you get the hang of it. And yes, it does help to have a chartered accountant who can explain things to you simply. Most of all, we women are blessed with two very undermined qualities - commonsense and intuition.

I feel as gratified when my 'risk-averse' financial decision is ultimately proven 'wise' as when I shed copious tears as I fall in love all over again when I watch my favourite romantic comedy.

I am all woman.

And to answer the question, Shakti did just fine in a saree!